Make the come back stronger. The following is an account of what I have felt over the last few weeks which all came to a tipping point late last week. Right now as I write this, I am feeling so engaged and positive with my life and as I reflect, I realise there were little actions I could have taken to prevent such a tipping point. In saying that, this experience has been a real lesson and one that I would not have learnt otherwise.
There have been times over the last few weeks when I simply felt dragged down by stress, overwhelmed by so many emotions and I simply did not have a clear headspace. All of my energy and positivity went into my warrior clients but as soon as each block of sessions finished, I would have nothing left feeling like I had lost my reality.
It all came to a point when last Thursday and Friday, I just could not move, I was an absolute zombie just going through the motions - again, giving everything I had to The Fit Collective and it's members but there was nothing left for myself. By the weekend, I honestly thought that I would never get out of this dark space it had consumed me and I was in a space that I have not been in for years.
Realising that I am only one person, I will always put in 110% into my vision and The Fit Collective but, the reality is our lives are multidimensional and when we start neglecting some of our needs by focusing on what we do not have rather than reflecting on how far we have come, what we have achieved and redirecting that energy into where we are going, things start to become unbalanced, distorted and overwhelming. Cue the almost non functioning Dani of last week.
In the process of my own little comeback, I have promised myself to focus on a few things to take care of my own mental health, re-connect those missing links and take The Fit Collective to the next level. The next six weeks of training have been planned out, meditation + yoga will play more of a focus, taking daily breaks, reading (non training related material), getting back my creativity, catching up with friends and stepping away from the computer are all things that may seem so little but in reality form a really big role in creating some sort of balance in our lives. The thing is, balance for me will never equate to 50% work, 50% non work related activities, I recognise this and love this part about my lifestyle because I am so incredibly passionate about learning, educating, coaching both men and women in achieving their goals and making fitness a part of their life for the long run but I am human and I still need to pursue interests outside of the gym.
Symptoms of anxiety and depression reared it's ugly head when I started giving 90% of my energy, time and life to The Fit Collective and 10% to well, lets face it - sleep. There was no down time away from the gym, away from learning, away from the world of fitness - I started to crumble. I love fitness but I also love my life and the opportunity that this industry has given me, I am incredibly lucky I have a partner who is more than supportive, and he could relate to how I was feeling yet still was there to challenge my thoughts, challenge how I was taking on certain aspects of the business and would let me get frustrated and angry (sorry about that Dan!) all of this has helped me grow and develop.
One major thing I have learnt about business in the last 9 months is that you can never be 100% prepared and for a perfectionist like myself this is really hard to grasp (shock horror, I know?!), so as I continue to approach my one year as a business owner I have also now experienced how important it is to have interests and a life outside of the gym and my fitness world. The biggest thing I have learnt is that we need to talk more, we all need to talk about how we are feeling. I let my feelings overwhelm me for so long that I had a tipping point and that was over the last week. I put so much stress on myself and felt that if I spoke about it, it would put the same stress on those around me and I felt I was losing my identity.
So now it is time for a little comeback, time to learn to accept things, to get comfortable with being away from the gym at times - seriously, I never knew there could be a form of separation anxiety between work and oneself?! Making the comeback stronger is about being perfect or never having a 'moment', it is about being honest and open with yourself about how you are feeling and the reasons behind it. The comeback is about building resilience, learning that obstacles are part of life, learning to have your own back and learning that you will always have a choice in how you handle life.
If you are experiencing any symptoms of anxiety and depression, I cannot urge you enough to talk about it, speak to people about how you are feeling and allow yourself time to understand what you are feeling, let's not bury it.